If you’re somewhat new to the kink scene, you might not be entirely familiar with the term “consent play.” Essentially consent play refers to the act of saying no when a person actually means yes, and can refer to a situation where either the man or woman is dominant in bed as the forceful party. This is a form of roleplay, and should be treated like one. You might not want to dabble in consent play right away, because it can be a fairly dangerous thing to do, emotionally, if you aren’t sure what you’re doing. Any adult site worth its rating will have a section on consent play, but they might not tell you the whole truth. However, if you know what you’re doing and you have a partner you trust and respect, this can be an emotionally and physically satisfying experience for everyone. You can check our adult dating test and read our top review of the UK sites to find out which site is the best. You can get some good tips on these top sites regarding Consent Play.
Kinds of Consent Play
The kind of consent play that most people are most familiar with is what is commonly known as a rape fantasy. One partner pretends to be unwilling, and the other “forces” them to have sex whether they want to or not. This is certainly a kind of consent play, but it is not by any means the only kind.
Another kind of consent play is somnophilia, or the act of having sex with someone who is sleeping (or pretending to sleep). Even if prior consent is involved, this is still a form of consent play, since one party cannot currently consent to the act of sex.
Any roleplay that involves one person saying “no” or simply refusing to give consent when asked is consent play. This can also involve bondage scenarios in which one person is tied up and/or gagged, and is unable to give a verbal answer. It can also involve altered states; if you or the woman you’re with intentionally drink or use a substance to the point of not being able to think straight for the purpose of sex, this is a form of consent play, because you are literally unable to consent at the time of the sex in the eyes of the law.
The most important thing to remember is that in all cases of consent play, prior consent is given, agreed upon, and firm. If you have not had a long talk with your partner about what is going to happen and what her reactions mean during the scene, this isn’t consent play, it’s sexual assault. Cover your bases by talking long and hard with her about what she wants out of the scenario before you get started.
Safe Words and Actions
One of the most important things you need to know about when beginning a form of consent play is the concept of safe words and actions. You want to be able to know if your partner is really saying she wants you, or if she’s genuinely uncomfortable, afraid, or not enjoying herself. The traditional concept of a safe word is a word that your partner can say absent of context that will let you know they want to come out of the scene. Something you’d never say in the bedroom, like “Pineapple,” is a good choice (unless you’re getting freaky with pineapples). This is a very basic form of safeword, and can be very effective in helping everyone feel secure about what exactly is happening behind closed doors.
Another method that can be found on well-ranked adult dating sites like FuckBookNet.Net is the traffic light method. In this way of using safe words, there are tiers of meaning. “Green” means that something is great and should continue (the “more, harder” response), “yellow” means that you need to be careful because you’re getting near some dangerous territory, and “red” means you need to stop immediately, no matter what, and check in with your partner.
Of course, if you’re engaging in certain forms of bondage, and someone’s mouth is gagged, no one will be able to say the safe word. There are a couple techniques to use in this case. One is to leave at least one limb free that your partner can tap, slap, or snap out a rhythm with. Three quick bumps is a good signal. Another that you can use if limiting mobility is a big part of the scene is to have your partner hold a small ball. If the ball drops, your partner is either not enjoying the scene or is physically unable to continue the play, and you need to stop immediately and make sure that they are healthy and happy.
Aftercare is one of the most important parts of a consent play scene. Unfortunately, it is not as well-known as the “rape fantasy,” and is frequently ignored in favor of how hot the idea is supposed to be, whether you use a site with a good or bad adult dating site ranking. When a scene is over, you need to take care of your partner. Talk before you begin about what proper aftercare means to both of you. One person may want to be carried to a hot bath, one might want to be cuddled, and one might want to be gently wiped down and verbally reassured, while another might want silence to process feelings.
Be aware that consent play is a very high-level roleplay, and should only be considered with someone that is a completely trusted, valued partner. There is a great deal of emotional vulnerability involved, so don’t dismiss anything that happens as unimportant. It is not unusual for deep, buried feelings to come up in the middle of consent play. If you’re going to engage in this, you need to be prepared for this eventuality, and be aware that not every part of this might be fun. If you can’t handle this, you don’t need to be engaging in consent play with your partner. If you can handle it, prepare for a wild night, yes, but also the possibility that some emotions might surface.
Separating Bedroom from Living Room
One problem many people have with consent play is separating the play from the real world. Just because someone wants to be held down, slapped across the face, and called a worthless bitch in the bedroom doesn’t mean that same person isn’t deserving of all the love, respect, and support in the world outside that safe space. If you find yourself wanting to engage in the same consent play in other situations, you must talk to your partner about this before you ever attempt to begin something. It’s of utmost importance that you establish where it’s okay to play, where it’s okay to act like it had never happened, and where it’s okay to try other things. If your partner is not comfortable engaging in consent play outside the bedroom, respect their wishes. This is the only way to make sure that you’re doing exactly what your partner wants. Otherwise, you risk turning what should be a fun and exhilarating experience into a nightmare, possibly for both of you. Consent play is a fantastic experience when done properly between two previously consenting adults, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any boundaries that must be respected. If anything, boundaries are far more important in consent play than out of it. Cherish your partner, keep them safe, and know that either of you can call an end to the scenario at any time.